Parentification part 2: The Emotional Impact of Parentification
Despite some positive aspects such as a strong sense of responsibility or high levels of independence, parentification can lead to various issues that fly under the radar and run deeply into adulthood later on:
Influence on Identity and Relationships:
The burden of adult responsibilities can overshadow a child’s ability to explore their own identity and interests. This can lead to difficulties in forming a strong sense of self.
Parentified individuals might struggle with forming healthy relationships, often taking on a caretaker role even in their personal lives and suppressing their own needs and emotions. This can lead to unhealthy relationships due to difficulties in trusting others, setting boundaries, and issues with self-expression and self-worth. Conversely, it can also lead to expectations of being looked after, needing to be loved and wanting everything done for them as well.
Caretaker Syndrome:
Continuous caregiving can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression due to the overwhelming sense of responsibility. Studies show that parentified children have a higher risk of developing anxiety and depression compared to non-parentified peers.
Not being assertive about their own wants and needs can manifest resentment towards people around them, such as siblings, partners, and colleagues.
Missing Skills in Becoming an Adult:
Parentified children often miss out on learning essential life skills. Managing their own emotions can also be a significant hurdle to overcome, as parentified children prioritise what ‘should’ be done from the perspective of others as opposed to themselves.
They may struggle with basic self-care and setting boundaries, often neglecting their own needs.
Intergenerational Effects:
The cycle of parentification can repeat across generations. Parents who were once parentified children might unknowingly impose similar expectations on their nieces, nephews, and own children, perpetuating a cycle of unmet emotional needs. For example, Jenny repeats what her parents did by expecting her kids to constantly show her that they love her or using the silent treatment as punishment for not meeting her emotional needs.
While parentification can instill positive traits like responsibility and empathy, it often comes at a high emotional cost. Recognising these impacts is the first step towards healing.